Sunday, November 22, 2009

Anglican Communion

Rowan Williams must rue the day he ever agreed to become Archbishop of Canterbury. Shot at by the press and many in his own congregation for not being more hard-line on issues like gay priests, and now having the Anglian Communion threatened with mass migrations (no pun intended) to Roman Catholicism in response to the overtures made by the Pope. Suddenly, it really does feel more concrete that we are in the end days for traditional Anglicanism, that gentle, wooly, and generally harmless pastime.

Instead, we can look forward to a future where all non-Catholic churches are based on some form of evangelicalism, and the tragic anti-thought, pro-emotion nonsense that accompanies it. It's not a prospect to relish.

On the (Humanist) Buses

The latest Humanist Society bus poster campaign features photographs of two children, with the logo "don't label me"; i.e. the absurdity of describing children based on the religion of their parents as Catholic, Protestant, Muslim, whatever. It's a worthwhile message: as Prof Dawkins has said, you would not describe a child as Marxist or Socialist, so why describe them as Catholic or Protestant?

Christians are delighted that the children featured in the poster, it turns out, are the offspring of a born again Christian father (no mention made of the mother in the article, oddly, but it's a fair bet she leans the same way). "Their Christianity shines through" says the happy father, and of course they do look like very happy children - they wouldn't have been used in the poster otherwise - but it's a fairly typical case of religious projection to say that they look happy because they are Christians. It's interesting that there is no move to have the pictures removed: I think if pictures of my children had been used in a campaign I felt strongly against I'd do something about it. Classic case of Christian tolerance, obviously.

It should be said that the father did not contact the press directly. This was done by Gerald Coates, the leader of the Pioneer Network of Churches "which I founded 20 or 30 years ago. And they're a fantastic family and he [the father] just Facebooked me this morning to tell me." Nice.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Conference Call

Bloop.
Eric: Hi, who's that?
Joe: Joe here, sorry I'm late; who else is on?
Eric: This is Eric, and I've got Paul and Steve with me, and Jeff's dialled in from down south.
Joe: Who else are we waiting for?
Eric: Just Nick now.
Steve: Let me give him a call on his mobile
Paul: I'll get us a coffee while we're waiting. You want anything?
Eric: Yes, tea please
Bloop
Eric: Hi, is that you Nick?… Nick?
Joe: Did someone drop off the call? Jeff, are you still there?… Jeff?
Steve: Nick's not answering his mobile. Shall we start without him?
Eric: Well, Jeff's dropped off we can't really start without Paul anyway
Bloop
Eric: Jeff?
Nick: Hi, Nick here, sorry I'mm late. For some reason the diary appointment didn't get saved into my calendar and it was only when I saw Steve was calling me that I remembered. Anyway, everyone else here?
Steve: Well, Paul's just getting drinks while we're waiting, and
Bloop
Steve: Oh, who's that?
Jeff: Hi, sorry just went through a tunnel.
Eric: Where are you?
Jeff: Just on my way to the airport in Ankara
Steve: Ankara!? What are you doing there?
Jeff: Don't ask. Completely wild goose chase. Bill said…
Nick: Chaps, I'm afraid I'm a bit pushed for time. Can we get going?
Eric: Yeah, me too. Look here's Paul, so I think we can kick off.
Paul: Yes, sorry. Got chatting to Jeremy in the kitchen; did you hear about Sarah in Dubai?
Steve: No, what happened?
Nick: Guys…
Paul: She got strip searched at the airport
Steve: You're joking me! Why?
Paul: They saw the Isreali stamps in her passport and…
Nick: Guys…
Bloop
Eric: Who's that?
Sanjay: This Sanjay
Eric: Er, Hi Sanjay. Are you meant to be on this call?
Sanjay: Tom suggested I should be
Paul: Really? But this project's in the US.
Sanjay: Is it? Tom said it was European so it came under him.
Nick: Guys, I really do need to go soon
Eric: Yes, okay. Sanjay, you can stay on if you want, but the project's in the US; it's the holding company that's in Europe
Sanjay: Ah, okay. Well I think I'll drop off then. Sorry to disturb you.
Bloop. Bloop
Steve: Did we only lose Sanjay then? Jeff?
Jeff: Yeah. Hi. Still here
Paul: Ok. Let's get started. Nick?.. Nick?
Eric: Bollocks.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Holy Moly!



I can't believe anyone would actually buy these things. About 3 foot high, and am told (by an unreliable witness) about £300.
I'd love to know why Catholicism let's itself be associated with this sort of tat; religion of the common people?
Probably my favourite shop in Staines; sells these, 4 foot dragons, Middle Earth chess sets, and a range of ways to customise your mobile phone.

Down to Earth


Driving home on the M4 one evening, I spotted this helicopter being towed. So shocked, I risked life and limb to photograph it: not a bad shot considering I was steering with my knees.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Goddamn Apple

I'm really happy with our iMac, bought earlier this year, but now Apple, the rotters, have brought out two new versions of iMac with faster processors, larger hard drives, wireless keyboard and mouse, and -- most important of all -- LED backlit screens with higher screen resolution: one 21.5" and the bigger 27".

What the heck is wrong with me? Why on earth would I want either of these when what I have is perfectly fine? Pure technolust.

Pathetic.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Oxford

To Oxford yesterday with Jack and Elizabeth, who had arranged to meet an old friend for lunch. Second time I've been back in less than a month, after not going for about ten years.

I really went because I wanted to see the new extension that had been built for the Ashmolean Museum (cost £60 million). As Jack and I arrived, the signs were not good for any kind of extensive visit as Jack said "It's not all art stuff is it? I hate art stuff. Oh, look at the signs outside; it's all art stuff isn't it?" Well, he had a point, but in fact it's mainly antiquities.

The extension itself is beautiful: very clean and spacious. But we only spent about 10 minutes there in total, including five minutes in the gift shop, before heading off to Browns for lunch.

When we used to live in Oxford, Browns' waitress employment policy priorities were always: great face and legs? check. can carry a plate? check. They were almost always spectacularly good looking and wore mini skirts; clearly hazardous when dealing with beered up male diners, but you couldn't help feeling the waitresses made considerably more out of tips than they did through official channels. Since it's changed hands (to some restaurant chain) this shameful and wildly popular policy has changed to become more, ah, inclusive, so the meal is less of an event than it used to be.

So after spending an hour or so looking like a divorced father taking his son out for a meal on his access day ('Course you have a coke, son; I don't get to see you that often'), we went off to the History of Science Museum. I should point out also that the weather was filthy - raining with gale force winds - so looking for indoor shelter was always a priority. The Steampunk exhibition at the Museum was still on, and thankfully less crowded than last time, so we managed to get a good look at the exhibits this time.

They're universally excellent, obviously, but I was once again struck by the thought, 'Why on earth do they bother?' Some of the things must have taken months of careful work, but it's such a niche market - it's even a sub-genre of SciFi, itself probably the ultimate niche market - that whatever they produce is going to appeal to a tiny minority of people. Ridiculous thought, of course, only a twat like me would worry about how many people something would appeal to as part of the creative process. Anyway, at the end of all the brass and leather computer keyboards, steam driven mechanical arms, and ocular assistance devices was a room with proper Victorian scientific instruments, and it took a few moments to realise one had passed from fantasy to reality. It was a clever touch by the curators.

After the museum, we then spent a fairly desultory hour wandering through the wind-swept streets and the covered market (Jack fascinated, as most are seeing it for the first time, by the headless deer and pheasant carcasses hanging outside the butchers' shops - how on earth does Oxford support so many specialist butchers? I think he was most horrified by the fact that as part of the gutting process they remove the anus - "Oh my God, they've cut out their bum-holes!!"). I even went to a CD and Record Fair in the Town Hall to get out of the rain. Rather depressing affair, several beardy types (not women, though could have been) talking about early George Benson and the collectibility of different pressings of a particular album. The traders staring blankly ahead, as yet another punter riffles idly through their collection, their livelihood, before moving on without buying something. I don't remember the last time I went to one of these things, so I don't know how well attended they usually are, but this one was sparse, with sellers outnumbering buyers. Can't help feeling BitTorrent and iTunes are going to kill the CD Fair much like they're killing the record shops; HMV seems to devote only a third of its floorspace to CDs now, the rest being taken up with DVDs, gaming, and t-shirts.

Well, Elizabeth finally finished her lunch, and we met and said goodbye to Ludo, then home for an evening flaked out on the sofa, staring glassy-eyed at Harry Hill and HIGNFY, listening to Jack shouting at the TV next door while playing Call of Duty. Life in the fast lane.

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Easiest Hack Ever

To convert iWork09 from trial to retail version, type the following (all on one line, obviously) into a terminal window
sudo defaults write /Library/Preferences/com.apple.iWork09.Installer '{ "InstallMode" = Retail; }'
That seems to be it.

Edit 10 July 2010: This no longer seems to work.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Mac and OSX: It's a Question of Taste

So, it’s 100 days since we got our spanking new iMac, and in the interests of no-one but myself, I thought I’d do a quick write up.

Having read a recent survey that showed customer satisfaction among Mac users being streets ahead that of Windows users, it’s no surprise to find myself agreeing with them. Although there’s any number of functional and behavioural differences between the two, advantages and disadvantages of either UI approach are probably cancel each other out.

Sadly, the two main differences, for me, are pretty intangible. I say sadly because, although I love the way the Mac works, I’ve used Windows my whole working life, and I’m so familiar with it, and with the PC style of keyboard layout, that I’m equally comfortable with either – I would have loved to say that the Mac kicks Windows’ butt in this area too, and maybe in the future I will, but for now it’s pretty even in my book.

So what are the intangible differences? The first is that OSX is so obviously more finished and complete. When I first started using it, it brought to mind a John Lassiter (the brilliant Pixar film director) quote: when someone asked him what set Pixar films ahead of other CGI animations, he said “We sand the bottom of the drawers”. The beauty is in the attention to details. Although it’s a slightly unfair comparison – OSX is vastly more mature than Vista – I suspect OSX’s polish is a result of more than longevity.

To show what I mean about polish, I realise that the following are trivial examples, but they are things that when I noticed them, made me smile. I can’t say Windows has ever done anything that has made me smile.

Firstly, the Safari web browser has the usual ‘hot’ links toolbar. Windows has an equivalent. In Windows, dragging a link to a new position on the toolbar brings up a vertical line and an arrow in the position where the new link will be dropped when you let go. Well, that’s fine; clear enough isn’t it? In Safari, performing the same manoeuvre causes each hot link button to shuffle aside to let the new one in as you move it to its new place on the tool bar. Functionally, it’s achieving exactly the same objective, but that minuscule animation just adds a little panache, a little flair that Windows really can’t be bothered with. You can see this yourself if you download a copy of Safari for Windows: highly recommended since it’s a great, fast browser anyway.

The second example is in Photoshop, in which you use the ‘Hand’ tool to move the image around on screen so you’ve got the bit you’re interested in where you want it. In Windows, you drag the hand around the screen and release when you’re at the spot you want; releasing the mouse button as you drag just stops the image moving. On OSX (I’ve just noticed I wrote in Windows vs on OSX; why is that?), releasing the mouse button while you drag the image causes the image to float gradually to a stop, over a time dependent on how quickly you were dragging. It’s lovely; entirely non-functional, but it just adds some enjoyment to your experience of using the tool.

The second major difference between the two (and this going to make me appear an even more deserving candidate for Pseud’s Corner): I don’t know how often Steve Jobs talks about Microsoft, but this quote from the ace documentary The Rise of the Nerds just about sums it up.

“The only problem with Microsoft is they just have no taste, they have absolutely no taste, and what that means is - I don't mean that in a small way I mean that in a big way. In the sense that they, they don't think of original ideas and they don't bring much culture into their product, and you say why is that important - well you know proportionally spaced fonts come from type setting and beautiful books, that's where one gets the idea - if it weren't for the Mac they would never have that in their products and so I guess I am saddened, not by Microsoft's success - I have no problem with their success, they've earned their success for the most part. I have a problem with the fact that they just make really third rate products.”

And from earlier in that same program, “Ultimately it comes down to taste. It comes down to trying to expose yourself to the best things that humans have done and then try to bring those things in to what you're doing. I mean Picasso had a saying he said good artists copy great artists steal. And we have always been shameless about stealing great ideas, and I think part of what made the Macintosh great was that the people working on it were musicians and poets and artists and zoologists and historians who also happened to be the best computer scientists in the world.”

So now you know. Apple computers and OSs are designed and built by people whose cultural hinterland reaches way beyond computer science, or even software and GUI design. Their experience is based on their involvement in and curiosity about the whole of human culture, and it is evident in what they produce. Microsoft’s corporate culture, one gets the feeling, is rooted in a love of the technology, and what it can do, not what it can let a creative mind do with it. With luck, the grip of Microsoft will lessen over time, and these tools that we use almost everyday of your lives will change from the cobbled together horrors we usually have to put up with into being the objects of beauty Apple have shown us they can be.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

The School Concert: Descent into Hell

So, another Easter, another school Easter concert and all the honks, squawks and rattles that follow in its trumpeting wake.

Wave after wave of the talented, tone deaf, or merely deaf bounce on stage, with more bravery and sheer chutzpah than I would ever have, and do their bit to entertain a group of parents, friends and siblings with whatever instrument it is that they are currently mastering. Parents sit patiently (mostly) and more less good naturedly while the less talented children introduce us to new ways of generating sounds as far removed from any recognisable scale, with the possible exception of Schoenberg's dodecaphonic, as its possible to get.

The audience, sweating as a result of the irresistible mixture of an overheated and overcrowded room, and resisting gnawing one's own fist off through suppressed hysteria, has what can be described only as an experience. Any other word will only colour and bias what transpires unfairly toward abject disappointment or statospheric relief. The former for those poor children whose vocal performance, rising imperceptibly above the ambient room noise, is further drowned out by a well-meaning but incompetent music teacher's piano work. The latter when a child with real talent performs a song or piece so accomplished that it is almost impossible to prevent a tear coming to the eye.

Children really are the most amazing things on the planet. God bless 'em all.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Hannah Firmin

To the Peacock Gallery at the children's school to see an exhibition by Hanna Firmin, who is probably best known for her cover artwork for the books of Alexander McCall Smith. Very pretty wood- and lino-cuts.

We really liked a linocut called Rough Seas, but it was £50; fortunately, there was another one called Topiary that we liked almost as much, but was only £10 pounds. After some small talk with the artist, we left slightly ashamed that we'd picked the cheaper picture, but comforted ourselves with the usual mantra of those who have been less generous than they possibly could have been, "Well, ten pounds is ten pounds".

If I were an artist, I don't think I could bear to sit in a gallery with chumps like us making snap, ill-informed judgements over my work. I don't think I could even work in a shop where I was responsible for choosing the stock; I find almost anyone - even someone who I think has no taste - making a judgement on my own taste nearly unbearable. Is there a syndrome that results in hyperfragility of the ego?

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

How do I get to Staines Moor?

How do I get to Staines Moor?"

Never a question I thought I'd ask myself, but today I did. And lo, Jehovah hath smiled favourably on his servant, and hath guided his hand to multimap.com and movethst his hand right speedily to find a public footpath that lead him literally right to it.

Braving force nine gusts and skipping deftly over the muddy patches and semi-decayed dog turds that seem to be an ever-present feature of the urban-rural borderlands, I took a stroll out there this lunchtime to see what it was like. And what do you know? Genuine ancient moorland (unploughed for over 1000 years, apparently), just off the Heathrow flightpath and right next to the M25. What a find!

Amazing to be out walking amongst cows, skylarks, kestrels, and all manner of tits, warblers, and other feathery fluttery things only ten minutes from the office, and being able to stop off for the necessaries in Waitrose and riffle through the unfashionable and deformed seconds in TK Maxx on the way back! How can life possibly get any better?